“I’m Never Drinking Four Loko Again”

I swear this is the only Four Loko photo I have.

We here at OMGWTFRVA say this a lot. Well, stock up on Joose and Four Loko while you can!  Don’t know what the eff I’m talking about?  These drinks are similar to Sparks, caffeine plus “premium” malt liquor, but with 12% alc/vol. In essence, this one $2.59 drink will get you wasted.  Which is great but…

It’s tricky business to not get too crazy drunk if you’re pre-gaming with a Joose or Four Loko.  Take last Monday night for instance.  I was at Fine Foods and noticed there was a new flavor of Four Loko out, Blue Raspberry.  One Four Loko later and I was drunk and decided to go to Bogart’s with Chad and Cameron for karaoke.  I had a couple beers there, some whiskey at Chad’s place…  And then things get hazy.  Which is to say I have no idea what I did but Chad and Cameron say they’ve never seen me so drunk and apparently I’m bad at making beds, writing questions for truth or dare Jenga, and standing up after drinking that particular combination.

I may severely regret that stupid Blue Raspberry Four Loko, but now the FDA wants to take away my ability to buy drunk in a can!  Sparks was targeted for appealing to minors with its blend of alcohol and caffeine and now Joose and Four Loko are under similar attack.  The companies that produce these products have been told they most provide evidence that their drinks aren’t combing ingredients in dangerous manner.  Check here for an article from the New York Times about it.

Not that I need to be drinking another Four Loko anytime soon (I’M STOCK PILING THEM AS I TYPE).